She's JV to your varsity
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
