You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
