Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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