covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
