woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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