Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
as a side note pls kill me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
