the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
