My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
