Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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