Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
