i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My cat gives me a boner
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Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize