Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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