Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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