see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
