Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
