I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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