I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
