it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
