i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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