Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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