I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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