we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
