I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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