i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
