Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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