The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
