I wish I could teleport
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
