I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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