I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
