You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
