...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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