Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
being pregnant is like rehab
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
