nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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