I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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