last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
