cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
