i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
