Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
