You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
