Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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