Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
