Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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