He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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