just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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