whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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