Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
