a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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