Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
