I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
