remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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