This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
