I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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