I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
