I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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