She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
