Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
