I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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