i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
