My liver just broke up with me...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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