i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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