either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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