I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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