I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
