Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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