Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
